February 18, 2021

Healing From Emotional Abuse: Is Cheating Abuse: Signs of A Female Narcissist: with Logan

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Can you heal from abuse?  What do I do after leaving my narcissist? What does a healthy relationship look like? These concerns cross the minds of over 20 people every minute; over 28,800 people every day.  And the sad fact is, we still don’t talk about it enough.  Healing from Emotional Abuse isn’t a bandaid situation.  But it doesn’t have to take years either. The lives of millions of other survivors around the worlds have been impacted by their narcissist.  Yours doesn’t have to.  To show you how to live a free, confident and peaceful life, your host and Founder of the Healing From Emotional Abuse Philosophy, Marissa F. Cohen.

 

Marissa: Welcome back to Healing From Emotional Abuse. Today, I thought it would be really interesting to discuss about how abuse comes in so many different forms. It's not always obvious like being hit or pushed or punched in the face.  Covert female narcissist. Sometimes it's really subtle. And it's subtle, because abusers are really, really good at manipulating and systematically demeaning you and controlling you. Covert Narcissism.And you don't even realize it until you're out of it. So, I wanted to bring on a guest today who went through a lot of control and manipulative abuse. So, it doesn't always seem like what he was enduring was abusive, which is why it was so hard for him to see it when he was in it. But now that he's out of it, he recognized all of the manipulation and the control and the lying and ultimately manifested in wife infidelity. So today, I wanted to bring on a friend of mine, Logan, who is a phenomenal person who endured some really traumatic stuff. He's a local New Jersey musician. He has a big personality. And I don't think he realized until he was out of his narcissistic marriage, how much support he actually had, and how much his community saw what was going on around him. So, I'm really, really excited to bring on Logan today. Hey, Logan, how are you doing today?

 

Logan: Thank you, Marissa, again, for having me for the platform. First and foremost, thank you for being there for me over these past few crazy, crazy months. Not only with what is going on in the world, but going on in my personal life, and my former, I guess marriage. But more importantly, thank you for what you do for other people who have been through way worse. Who are going through way worse situations right now, that you have helped continue to help. I know, I've had you on my show a few times. And a lot of people have taken a lot from that. I just appreciate you and what you do for other people, and what you have gone through and overcome. And just proud of you. And I'm thankful for the platform. And as you always say, you are a champion as well as your other champions.

 

Marissa: Well, thank you for saying that. I really appreciate it. And just know that don't ever compare what you're going through to anyone else. Because every situation has its impact and has its effect on people. And every situation is different. So, what you're going through is not any less severe or hurtful than what anyone else is going through. And I just want you to keep that in mind.

 

Logan: I appreciate that. You know, it's tough when one person is fighting the battle and you find that you're fighting the battle alone when the other person is doing some no stuff.

 

Marissa: Well, so if you don't mind, why don't you tell us your truth?

 

Logan: Sure. Bunch of disclaimers, obviously, I'm not going to go too much into my identity, because I was going to say out of respect, respect is definitely not the word. Out of doing things the right way, I think is the way to say it, I am not here to call anyone out to call any establishments out. I'm not here to play the blame game, I am here to hopefully give something to people who may be going through similar situations on both sides of what what's going on here. If I can help one or two people, and also heal during this, that's a big deal. So again, I appreciate you. I appreciate this. I guess we'll start at the beginning. I kind of broke this up into like three little sections. You know, I'll tell you the story. Kind of the ripple effect because I think as you probably know, there's a lot of ripple effects to family and friends and no other people involved that you see. And then obviously I want to talk about, if it's okay with you the healing which you have been a huge part of and currently being a huge part of. So start at the beginning. So, 10-year relationship, four and a half years married, started out as me trying out for a local jersey band. Obviously I got the gig because I’m an amazing drummer. And she had come on to me. And let me let me say this. I know a bunch of disclaimers here, but there's three sides to every story. And, you know, they say my side her side and the truth. So, this is my side of the story. So, starting from the beginning. So tried out for the band got the part she had come on to me. Uh, we had hung out all the time all the time. On home the constant Facebook messaging. Calling me Boo from the get go. Going she went to the mall invited me to come. This grew into a very, very good friendship, great band relationship. Obviously, a marriage. This was best friends. This was doing everything together. This was working together. This was going through loss together. This was she came home from work. Hey, where are you? This was, hey, come to bed. This is, you know, What do you love about me? This was very real or so I thought because 10 years invested of my life that I will never get back to have it end the way it did. As dishonestly as it did. As deceiving as it did. I'll never get those 10 years back, as a lot of people have told me to give and take was very off in this relationship. And that's something I'll get into later. But to me, this was the real deal. Very good relationship. We this all kind of started with a job change. She was approached to work at a new establishment. Prominent Music Academy in a prominent city. Very good opportunity for her. I was 100% supportive of it. It's something she's been looking for and it was great. The money was right, the benefits were right. It was something that she was excited about. And I was excited for her. She had to break the news to our former job that she was leaving. That turned into a terrible he-said she-said, almost break-up fight. Where I went to bat for her, I stood up for her, I took the fall. I ended up quitting that particular job because of that whole thing. So, she could get this new job. And she appreciated that, you know. I still have letters from very recently that say, hey, like, I appreciate that. And you make me a better person and all this stuff that I believed to be very, very true. Because this wasn't something like you know, I'm sure a lot of the other people you talk to, where things are falling apart or things are abusive, or things are crumbling, or communication is breaking down. This just kind of was like a light switch. It kind of happened. So, she gets the new job is working crazy full-time hours. And I knew this would be an adjustment for her. I knew this would be an adjustment for us because again, everything together and she gets the new job and is working there for about five weeks. And through this, I was able to kind of help transition from the other job and deal with the fallout of that. Helped her a bit financially because there was some downtime for work for her between jobs. Again, you know, being a husband, that is just what you do no question. So, the hours are different. She's not home as much. And I noticed this. So, I suggest to her, “Hey, like, let's do a date night every week because we're kind of passing ships in the night,” or whatever, you know, I don't think anything's going on. But I noticed, you know, I'm smart, unfortunately, because I do believe ignorance is bliss. But every week she would take me out or I would take her out when we'd alternate. So we did that for a couple weeks. So, at this point, like I said, she's working there for about five weeks and it's an adjustment. You know, it's great. We had some great date nights, I thought everything was good. You know, like the only little things I had noticed was like, I wasn't on her social media as much which again, like in this day and age I my tastes on social media and posting all that stuff have very much changed. I shamelessly promote my projects. I'll be the first to admit that but I think there's a lot of disadvantages to social media when it comes to kind of having the next person in a relationship kind of queued up or talking and that's something, I don't like about it. That's kind of soured me. But anyway, I noticed I wasn't really int the social media of hers as much whatever you know, even like when she wished me happy birthday was very just like whatever. So we do the date nights and this is like the fourth date night it's my turn she's working there for again only five weeks and this is a place that is walkable from our home. This is a place that is two blocks away from where I work which again makes it so much crazier that physically she was so close, I should say they were close, this whole time we do the date night I said what do you want to do you want to see Frozen II know let's stay in and I was like alright, well, What movie do you want me to Redbox? I'll cook your dinner she I gave her some choices. She said Toy Story 4. Have you seen this comes into play? Have you seen Toy Story or any of the toy stories Marissa?

 

Marissa: I've seen the first three. I'm afraid to watch the fourth. Admittedly.

 

Logan: You know the story of Toy Story where Woody is the old faithful toy. Whereas Buzz Lightyear is the new shiny toy that you know Andy kind of falls in love with. I know you haven't seen the fourth one, but we ended up watching the fourth one that night. It's a three-hour movie. I cook her dinner, we stay at home. This is November 21, Marissa, one week before Thanksgiving, and she's noticeably texting for three hours. To me, that's a red flag, because we have all the same friends, obviously, except the new friends from the new job. And I know it's not her sister, who now identifies as transgender. And, again, is just one of the closest people in my life. And it is a big part of the story moving forward, I think, because again, there's a ripple effect, and it affects everybody. I know it's not her, because it's too late for that. And I kind of like get those red flags like those warning signals. You know, it's not high school, I'm not going to choose her. I'm not going to grab her phone. It's because like, we've never had that. We've been together for 10 years, like, I've held this girl's hand through every little problem financially, or with her family. Like heck, so I just shoot her a look. This day night, we're working on us. And she's texting the whole thing. And that's not like us, you know, like, we text we're on our phones or whatever, like during movies, or we watch our TV shows every week. But this was like, almost obviously blatant. From everybody that I've talked to everybody, including people who have been cheated on, dude, she wanted you to notice. Bro, she wanted you to catch her. Because this wasn't an honest conversation. This was a this is an oops, and this is how you're going to find out kind of thing. Looking back on that, you know, they always say hindsight is 20-20. But anyway, she sets in for three hours during the movie. Hey, thanks for dinner. I, really quick, a shot her a look, kind of like, Hey, what's up? And she shot me just kind of like a nasty little look. Which is fine. You know, like, tough girl, whatever, that's fine. And you know, I didn't bring it up. I didn't say anything. You know. So, watch the movie, thanks for dinner. She went to bed I cleaned up. She's under the covers texting for another hour. So, this is four hours of texting, like doesn't address it. You know, the only thing I did was give her that glance. Something's wrong. Like, when you have that mentality in a way that is cheating. I don't know how you feel about that. Especially in a marriage.

 

Marissa: Cheating. In my opinion, I don't view cheating is just a physical thing. Like I can, I can have feelings for somebody very intense feelings, and not act on them. But that's still doing a disservice to the situation or the relationship that I'm in.

 

Logan: Yeah, exactly. Or marriage. You know, in my case, marriage where we've, we've made a commitment, like my grandfather had married us, that means a lot to me. You know, the ring, being a circle and all that kind of stuff. You know, everyone has different views on marriage and stuff like that. But I took it very seriously. You know, you say the word you say these vows because they are vows. It's an oath, you say for better or for worse, because in situations such as this, you know, like, you try your best. You fight. And for me anyway, it was for better or for worse. And I definitely went down swinging like an idiot, as you'll find out. And again, this is not the end of the story. This is the very beginning. So, I hope you don't cut me off. So, moving forward, so this is four hours of texting. So, I feel it in my gut, and I just go sleep on the couch. Like, you know, like you ever kick someone out of the bed Marissa It's like, you're in trouble, like, Go sleep on the couch. But it wasn't even like that, like I just couched myself. You know, I didn't like, you know, like, I was going to jump to conclusions. And I just went and I was just thinking. Like, in my gut I felt like there's like, you can't be talking to someone else. Like, she's got this new job like you worry about new people and 4:30 in the morning, she comes in the living room. "Hey, like, where are you? Like, what's going on? Why aren't you in bed?” I go, “I'm just thinking.” She goes, "Well, what are you thinking about?” And I go, “Something's wrong. I was like, I feel it in my gut.” And she goes into the whole, "Hey, it’s this new job. Like, it's a big adjustment.” And I knew it was like, to be fair, it completely was. That's why I proposed date night, you know, that wasn't, you know, it's like more lies, you know, and like, she doesn't really lie, and she's a bad liar. So again, it was like, this is like the beginning of feeling like, I don't know this person. So, I just look at her and I just go Is there someone else? And she just starts crying, which to me tells me everything. So, there's a bunch of ways I could have handled this. Looking back in retrospect, I know this sounds terrible, but this is just the beginning of the story. Like, I should have just said this is not okay. Like get out of here.

 

Marissa: And like you said before hindsights 20-20 so you in your character would never do that. Because you truly believed the best in situation. And it's so easy to write off and justify as well. Maybe it is a new job or maybe she's just stressed or… It's so easy for us when we're being manipulated or lied to justify on behalf of the person who's lying to us, because we want to believe that it's the person that we fell in love with. Or, you know that, that person is still there deep down. Does that make sense?

 

Logan: I mean, you're hitting me right in all the feels right now. Like, I appreciate you saying that no, because like you hit it right on the head. Like, I'm a fixer. You know what I mean? Like, something's wrong, how can I help? And again, I am not perfect. And I'm not here to toot my own horn. But this is our challenge in our marriage right now. Now, let me see this. Is there someone else? She starts crying. My whole life changed that moment. And it was like those hours I was thinking. I knew, you know? Like, I knew it.  And I say, “Who is it?" It's a chick. It was a chick she worked with for five weeks. So, to me, first of all, that's okay. That sucks. You're still my wife. You know, this is our thing. Let's figure this out. And I was upset. Like, I was upset. I wasn't angry. I wasn't crying. I was just kind of like, quiet. She goes, “Why aren't you yelling at me? Like, why are you mad?” Like, almost like she expected it, you know, like me to freak out. And I think, had things been the other way. You know, if I had done something like that, or not cry, I feel like I would literally have my head chopped off right now. Like, I'm not even joking. Yeah, it was crazy. So, to me, you know, we ended up going to bed together with kind of like this problem. And I woke up the next day and this is November 22. And I called my roommate from college who was a marriage counselor, because to me, I'm a fixer. She's confused. She's going through something, it garners sympathy at this point. In my mind, this is just a feeling. She had said to me, it's just a crush, and I'm confused. Okay. Now looking back, I take everything with a grain of salt. Looking back because of the series of lies when you lie to me so many times, if you get caught in a lie with me, the trust is broken. If I catch you with your hand in the cookie jar, anything you say to me afterwards is a lie, which I've learned firsthand. But anyway, I'm on the phone with the roommate, marriage counsellor, I'm on the phone with ministers from my church who have been fantastic. And my roommate, who's like, “Hey, man, I'm going to take off my friend hat. Look, man, I gotta call right down the middle. This is what you do. You need to write down a list of things and in our marriage, this is not okay. Not necessarily what she's going through. But the way she has acted. Like, for example, you guys are having a date night. You guys are working on you. So just the fact that she is texting somebody else, whoever it may be during date night, that's not okay. The fact that it's someone she's interested in, not okay, for a marriage.” You know, you hear things from like a counsellor or a therapist, it's like, you know, they call it very down the middle. And they kind of have like that outsider looking in kind of thing, which is very cool to hear. And he goes, “Let me talk to her too.” So, I speak to her about it. I do write the whole, that's not okay, I write this whole little thing that I do end up reading to her. So, I bring it up to her to talk to him and she doesn't do it, like immediately, like she waits like a week. And this is the weird thing where it's like, this is another red flag. Like, I felt like I was fighting, you know, like fighting still. Not to like fix anything. Let me say this. Don't be afraid to be who you are. If you are gay, or straight or trans or whatever, be who you are. I'm not saying like, I have no expertise in it. But I have a lot of people on my show who have gone through things like this who have said like, how scared they were when they had to come out. I've had wrestlers come on. Former women's tag team champions and major companies that are a couple. And those ladies have had just inspiring coming out parties on national television and stuff like that. Like I'm all for it. Please. and I said these words to her. I said, No one should have to hide who they are. Honesty is the best policy. There's a way this all could have played out where it would have been hard for us to be friends, I think, but you had my support. There was a way for this, or this came out where you had my family’s support. There was a way where this went down where you had our mutual friends support. So, it just felt like I was fighting here. And she had one foot out the door. It was like that I caught her texting and like now it was like okay for her to be distant from me. And this is where it got weird because this is leading into Thanksgiving. But like, she wouldn't like come home. You know what I mean? Like she goes work for eight hours and then like go to the gym or go to the studio, which is like normal, but like, she would like stack them in blocks. So, like she would come home and I'm thinking its guilt or she's hiding or she's really having a tough time. Which I got. You know, again, I was sympathetic. What comes next? I don't know, I was just trying to fix everything. And maybe it wasn't my place, but I still went down swinging. So, the following week Thanksgiving. She finally ends up talking to my roommate, the marriage counsellor. And he says to her, she needs to go to therapy, not for what she's going through. But for a lot of things. The plan was come Thanksgiving. The plan was to talk to the family. And just because they knew we were going through something. Like even hers, because I teach her sister at the time drum lessons. And she would go, Hey, she's not texting me. She's ignoring me. And I'm like, it's not just you kid. Like, it's everybody. Like our band is getting offered shows. And like, she's not checking in. We have like a comicon group,  she's not checking in. And like, again, goes to like, now we're not getting shows or like now we're not getting events. And like, I'm kind of like protecting her. I'm like not saying anything. Like she's going through something. So, everyone's just kind of thinks like we're fighting. But it was just like a light switch. And it was just like, we're at an impasse. She just got further and further away. Wouldn't come home. I talked to the dad and she's well aware of this, who I'm very close with, Thanksgiving morning. And I said, Hey, like, I just wanted you to know I did right by your daughter. Like, I haven't done anything. She's going through something, please take care of her. Please support her. I can't say what it is. He goes, “What did she do?" And to me, like, that speaks volumes. He's like, you came to me. He's like, if I thought you did something wrong, I would have been over your apartment. But anyway, Thanksgiving. So, the plan is, we're going to speak to her family and say, “Hey, we're going through something, she's going to go to therapy, which there is no shame in that.” And we were going to say this to the family. So, this is the day after Thanksgiving. This is Thanksgiving too, with her family. And again, we're it's just like, the phone is like buzzing, buzzing, buzzing, it's noticeably like painfully buzzing vibrating on the coffee table. And like, we're all just like kind of looking at it. And she's not picking up and it's super awkward. Nothing. Nothing. No, no, no, it again, it's just like, like, lie after lie and crazy shenanigans. But basically, I text her I'm like, hey, like, you know, like, are you going to say something? And she's like, No, I want to leave on the phone. So, we left. We didn't say anything. My thought was also like, hey, honesty's the best policy, like we don't have to say everything. But we could say, Hey, we're going through something, you know, we can approach this as a family. But again, still, to this day, I don't know how much, which is very unfair to me, her family does or does not know. Because I am still getting, “Hey, how are you guys doing okay, during this whole thing?” and I'm just like, you know, it's not my place to say anything. It's certainly not my side of the story. It's just kind of like, I'm good. You know, it's just, it's so unfair and crazy, but I haven't even got to the coup de gras yet. This is just the warm up. But I'll fast forward a little bit. Two weeks in, she feels farther away. Like she's not eating. I'm not eating. We're both like kind of sad. I’m doing a lot of stupid things, Marissa. I re-proposed. I redid our proposal. I had done flowers going up the beach and the music and the video. Got down on one knee. All these things. So, I recreated that, I had the roses going up into our apartment. I bought like a super expensive like necklace that was like about commitment and yada. And like, like if I'm going down, I'm going down swinging. If I'm going down, I’m going down swinging. And like I cook dinner, she comes home from work relay follows the roses, she's into it, I get down on one knee again. Now this is what annoys me, I'm an idiot for these grand gestures. Like anyone listening, like, if you're like a person who give,  gives, gives, kind of look back and see what you're getting as well. Like, don’t be selfish. But don't be so selfless that you're blind because everyone you know; you get those opinions. And everyone says the give and take was way off. And it was never going to work because of that, which I which I learned firsthand. I'm mad at myself Because as I mentioned earlier that I spent 10 years working on this, taking care of and protecting and looking out for this person. And then I'm madder that I did it again. To me that's just like an ultimate gesture of, I'm going to take care of you. I don't know how to explain it. You know, like, I literally gave so many pieces of my heart away, maybe to a fault. That was the way I love her. And that was the way like I would always give things to her and I got down on one knee for her two times. Looking back, I'm just like, man, and she. She came in for the second proposal. She was blown away and she appreciated me trying there were some tears. But she didn't like look at the necklace like at all. Like you know how you like you look at the ring like she didn't look at it. And she kind of like I'm sitting on the floor and she's like, she's like kind of unsure about it. And then she like goes and eats and I'm just like sitting in the dark on the living floor. And that was like another thing that like made me feel like just like I was fighting by myself. Especially after this grand gesture. Next couple days. I'm over my buddy’s who a huge part of my life I played in bands with we play music together. He played our wedding. He'll be playing my divorce party. Yeah, I'm over there. And I, earlier in the day because like I mentioned, we weren't eating, I dropped her off a vegan pork roll, egg and cheese. And I said, Hey, like, make sure you eat. I left it with her boss who who's trying to hire me. It's like, Oh, you should come work here too. I'm like, No, no, like, this is her thing. She loves it here. I mean, you know, I left a rose, because again, like, I'm an idiot. And she calls me when she gets out of work. After eight-hour shift on Saturday night, I'm over my buddy Ed’s. And she's like, Hey, thank you so much. Like, that meant a lot to me and was like, Yeah, like, I know, you weren't eating and like, I know, we're going through a lot and, you know, just no drama. Like, I want to make sure you eat. She's like, yeah, I'm like, did you eat the whole thing? Yep, ate the whole thing. Okay, great. And she goes, Okay, well, I'm going to go, go get a bite to eat. And I'm just like, again, it was just like, like, the wording of things. And like, everything was just kind of like dancing around. And I go, well, like, like, I just brought you food. Like, you know what I mean? It's like, you know, again, it's like more red flags. She goes, Well, yeah, but I know just eight but I'm going to go out with some friends. I'm like, like, why don't you just say that the first time you know what I mean? It's shady. And then I go is like, is so and so going to be there. You know, the confusion? Well, yeah, but it's going to be like, Oh, look, I'll come home if you want. And I'm like, Look, like I said, a minute ago. Like, this isn't high school. Like, this is your life now. Like, I'm not going to tell you like not to go out with your friends, whatever. I come home, she's in the home for like, another five hours. Like, it's crazy. You don't just like, go do what you want, like, you still live with me. You're still married. Like, we need to communicate a lot more because I'm obviously like, still fighting. Like, we're at the point where I caught you texting and you're confused about something. But that's where we are. No further. Or that's where I thought we were. The word we kind of went away after I caught her texting. We have a like a fight about it. And we don't really fight about it a lot. But we had a fight about it. I legit that you know that on my part, I would like to first to admit it, like we fought and I said, Hey, say what's up to so and so for me, whatever, you know, which was the object of her affection and still seemingly so. You know, she was hurt by that. And she came at me, which again, garnered more sympathy for me like, well, this is why like I you know, I wake up every day, I feel like I'm a different person. Like, again, legit going through something. Like, this is why I thought has these dark thoughts about ending it, and yada, yada. And she goes into a very detailed description about how she had some very dark thoughts. And to me all of my feelings and emotions and thoughts about our us, and our relation went right out the window. We're in the middle of a fight. Come here. Come here, sit down. Are you okay? Like whatever. She goes on about it, and she’s actually confused, going through something. I mean, anyone would feel sympathy. It’s like, again, trying to fix things. I immediately text her parents. She didn't me too. What if something had happened? And I didn't say anything to anyone. So, I'm thinking, Oh, they'll come over when they just see my texts They just said, oh, like she should go to therapy. I'm just like, UGH! You know what I mean? Like, that's where we were two weeks ago. It's just like, and I can't say anything. Like, I'm protecting her. She's going through something and I can't, we can't make progress. And again, I realize now that I was the only one trying to make progress. She was headed in a different direction. Here's a little foreshadowing. She ends up staying with her parents for the weekend, which to me is like, awesome. Like, I was like, I will drive you there. To me She is safe. She's with them. I know she's going home to them. And she can have a dialogue with them about anything. She comes back the next day, just to pick something up and she texts me Hey, is it okay? If I come over? I'm like, like, you live here. I'm like, I didn't kick you out. I'm like, are you okay? She comes She parks. She's going to stay at her parents. Another couple night, she's going to pick up some stuff. And I know she's coming from work and like an idiot I go out I opened the car door for. I am old school and I hold her hand. I walk up the steps open the door, and I look at her hand. Her wedding ring is off. I know she's working with this person; you know what I mean? And like, to me, that's just like another like little step. Hey, my wedding rings off. I'm like, what is the dialogue between.. I mean, is there a dialogue? Like, there can't be a dialogue. Like, I know, there's a lot of texting and like, is its romantic texting? And like, surely this person who I left out a huge detail here Marissa, this person is also in a relationship or so I was told. Which is not okay. So, you have a married woman and a person in a relationship. I don't know what the dialogue is or how this said person I will use the term Buzz Lightyear you know, being the new shiny toy. Like, you know, someone's married, you know, like, I don't know how you I don't know how that conversation goes. And this is like where I kind of talked to you about this Marissa. But it felt like the texting was very aggressive. And it felt like somebody else like it really still almost does feel like somebody else was driving. You know, like, I obviously wasn't driving. She did a lot of the drive but it almost felt very controlling.

 

Marissa: So, there is a theme when specifically, kids in high school, I used to teach this to them. When your partner is texting you over and over and over or calling you over and Over and over. That is, like you said, it's a means of control. It's a way to make sure you know where they are, what they're doing, at all times. And so, I can't really comment on whether Buzz Lightyear if you will, was being controlling in reality, but in theory, that action, those actions do sum up to typically be abusive behavior.

 

Logan: First of all, like, just like the fact that like, 10 years of me doing everything, like you don't even have to hear from me, everyone will tell you like doing living my life, literally her uncle's words for her. Which I did, to a fault. You know, how much you rank, you know, like this person you've known at the start of the texting. Five weeks, now we're going on seven weeks, eight weeks, that person ranks over me. You know what I mean? And it's just like, like, it takes me a while to trust someone as a friend, you know? Like, so again, that was like another red flag, it was very quick. And that's another thing that made it feel like controlling and this person just outright like disrespecting our marriage and that person, Buzz Lightyear’s relationship or alleged relationship at the time. And this going on with a place that they both work at, which I think is, you know, that's, again, you don't want that coming back to the place you work at, or she's not wearing her ring. To me, that's just like, oh, like, you are out. And this is someone like I'm away for two days, like, she's texting me constantly. Where are you? Where are you? Like, I couldn't be away for hours without this girl missing me. It's again, like a light switch. Like this person. not to say changed her, obviously, you know, allegedly, she has some repressed feelings. It was just like a done deal. Like, she's at her parents for a couple days not wearing the ring. I'm super upset about the ring thing. I'm talking to my minister. And he's just kind of like, man, like, even He's like, Damn, you know. So, the man of God. So basically, she's at her parents for a couple days. And this is where things get a little weird, like her mom calls me about concerning the younger daughter's, who identifies as a boy now rather drugless. And it was something very trivial. And I was like, hey, okay, cool. And the mom goes, so house, I'll just say your wife, not the new names, how's your wife doing? And I said, I don't know. How is she? And she goes, she didn't come home last night? And I said, No. And I'm like, she's not with you? No. So to this day, I don't know where my wife was that night. You know what I mean? But this is two weeks after I caught her texting. You know, it's just so fast. So, like, my head is still spinning. That's not okay. We all text her and said, Hey, like, what if something happened to you? Like, none of your family knew where you were. That's not okay. And it turned into I was at a party, I ended up crashing in a guest room. So, we're and again, it was like, this is like not marriage behavior. You know what I mean? This is like, like high school, college. But you know what I mean? It was just like, no accountability. And again, she was hiding from everyone and couldn't get back to anyone. So again, it wasn't like just me being pushed away. I gave her space, and it was just like radio silence. You know, it was really, really weird. And I'm just like, super confused. I know, I'm losing my wife, apparently, like I'm losing my wife to someone else. But there's like, no way that she confused. She's going through something like I sympathize with her. Like, she's not answering anybody. So, this is where things get crazy. So, I, Marissa I am like sleeping on couches. I am staying with my dad. I'm going up to Brooklyn. I'm living out of a suitcase, which I ended up living out of for months. That's what you do for someone you love. You know, this was the deal breaker for me. So, this is December 19. I believe things happen for a reason. And the way this day played out. Like I, the night before, like two nights before, like, I was hurting, like food didn't have tastes. I knew like I was losing her. Like I didn't think I was like, physically losing her to somebody. Yeah, because it just had been too short of a time and we're married and oh, I’ll rewind to do this very important detail. This is like three weeks after texting someone she had said, like, hey, like, I want to get a separation. And she'd come home from work. And I was like, this is like right after she said she had the dark thoughts. I was rubbing her back and I had said, Hey, like no drama, no drama, like I tried to show her like I loved her in a different way. Like I care about you this and especially with the dark thoughts and all that and she kind of disappeared and kitchen and we have a small kitchen. She never came out. I went in there and she was rubbing her hands. Now the rubbing her hands kind of comes into play a little bit later. But it's kind of like a tell, you know? But she's rubbing her hands and like, Hey, no drama, what's going on? She goes, I think we need separation. Like, what? Like, this fast? You're confused about something and it was weird because she was like looking back now. She was like, I think I'm 70% gay. I think I'm 80% gay. And like, I told her I was like, Well look, the only thing I ask is that we are honest with everybody because I need to heal. I need a support system and I'd been protecting her for the most part to this point and our bands getting shows. And then, she's just like nowhere to be found on answering her family and, like, we have to tell your family and she's just like curled up into a ball. I was I wasn't even yelling or anything. No, no, no, like, horrified at the thought of telling her family and I understand like, whatever. So that was like another crazy night. So, the ring, her wanting to get separation is like, I didn't do anything. You know what I mean? Like, we were doing fine until she got this news. Like new job, new person, boom, like, just like that. Six days before Christmas, Thursday night. I'm working at my job. Long day. And I'm going through my notebook, little green notebook, I look at the back of it. And there's all these cute little messages from her like, that's us. And this was, like, very recent, like, probably like, right when she started the new job, but these are reasons. And it said our names forever and Heart, heart and my name love her name. I was like, I have to talk to her like maybe it's goodbye. Maybe it's like one last grand gesture made again, which I'm an idiot for the grand gestures and I'm a sucker and for me, like I have to let her know how I feel like I can't do this without her.  I literally said this to her dad on the phone. Rough day at work, and of texting my friend. He's like, Look, man, he's like sometimes those little conversations make all the difference in the world. And to anyone listening, communication is super key. And we completely failed at that. We completely failed mostly because of her not being honest. Mostly because of her hiding. Us spending time apart. You know, I'm sure I could have communicated better. But there's a lot of emotions. I tested last week my friend he says those little conversations make all the difference in the world. So, I text my buddy. I have the best friends in the world, Marissa.  My buddy who I was jamming with, that I mentioned earlier, he didn't really know what was going on. He knew something was going on. Because again, I was like protecting her. I was like, Hey, man, I was like, grab the guitars because you played our wedding. So, he knew he knew exactly what song. I’m texted her mom. She is at her parents baking cookies with the kid’s sister. I need a hail Mary, are you in? And like I have the best friends in the world. He goes Yeah, I’m in. Let me know where when to me. That means everything. You know, we're going to do this thing where he knew what song we're ready to go. This is the grand gesture. This is the say anything, on the front lawn with the boombox, whatever, get through work. He's ready to go. So, when things go bonkers, crazy. I start my car to go over to her parents. Car doesn't start. Okay, that's weird. Doesn't start again. I'm stuck 45 minutes. Dad has to come get me jumped the car. We go back to his house. I steal his car. The timeline has completely changed. I taught I'm talking to her dad on the phone, who again, I'm very close with. Apparently, she was able to have a conversation with him about what was going on. And he goes Hey, man, like she just went home, to where our apartment is. My friend was out of the equation at that point. But it's okay, I'm going to go there and just have a conversation with her. I have like legit questions like, legit, like, wanted to communicate. And I text her "Hey, can I come get my pillow?” Like, don't hear anything back, driving. I’m on the phone with her pops and yeah, her kind of knows now. So, like we're having an honest conversation. And I'm like, you don't think like she's doing anything with anyone, though. Like, she's just like going through something and figuring something out. He's like, no, like, No, not at all, whatever. And I'm like, Alright, I drive over there with no response to the text message. This is the ending of this long story to anyone listening who thinks they know someone, or thinks they can trust someone on a friendship level or a spouse level or human level. This is when I knew that I was less than nothing. I got no response to the text. I drive to our apartment. I am across the street from our apartment, I see the lights on. According to her dad, she had just gotten home. I'm not going to barge in, you know, I pick up the phone I call. Rings, rings, rings. I see the lights on the apartment. And I see the blinds go up and down. And again, just like with the tears, like I knew. I knew that there was someone in my home with my wife. It wasn't anger. It was it was pain. I call again, lines go up and down again. And so, this is all within 30 seconds spans. And this is just like again, the bad movie script. The lie after lie after lie. And I walk up the parking lot. I walk up the steps. And as I'm walking up the steps, this is all within 30 seconds of me getting there, the phone calls and the blinds, calls me on the phone. This is what I get Marissa. *Sleepy Voice* “Hey, whoa, hey, hey, Logan. Hey, what do you what's? What's going on?" Like, you didn't get my text? Like, it was like you were sleeping. You know, trying to be like asleep. I was like, "Hey, just talk to your dad. No, you just got home and I see the blinds going up and down. I you know, I text you get my stuff.” Okay. Oh, yeah, no problem. So, I unlocked the door. I pushed the door open the door stops with her hand. She's standing there in her PJs. The TV's off, everything's off. The lights are on. Holding the door with my pillow. And all of our wedding photos are down. Like you cannot write this. I mean, this is my home, like I have my suitcase, I have my guitar. There is no way like why I'm doing this. You're having sleepovers, there's no way. But like, I just see all the pictures. It was like, if you want a gut punch, if you want to feel less than nothing, if you want to feel like you wasted 10 years of your life, being a friend, let alone a husband, or a band member or anything to anyone if you want to feel less than nothing, just looking around and seeing all the pictures down. Like I knew, like I knew. And this wasn't a first-time thing like because, you know, this person had to be if she had just gotten this person had to be waiting in our apartment. Like the fact that all the pictures were down and in her pajamas hands me my pillow, “Have a good night, Logan.” And like, like, that's the end of the conversation. And I said hold on. I was like, “Hey, can I come in and talk like I really want to talk to you. I want to get my stuff like I want to get my razor on get my charger…” “Now's not a good time.” “Is there someone here?” She goes, “Logan It's been a very long day, I was able to speak to my parents about what's going on. Finally.” Which is great. In reality, and goes like, "I just needed someone to talk to.” Which to me, admits that there's someone in our apartment right now. Which to me killed me on not just on a, there's someone in my home, what's going on level. But like, on an emotional level, like I needed someone to talk to. I said, like, when you talk to your parents, like I'll be there for you. And like, it's like you're confiding in this person that you haven't even known for, I guess you’ve known for a little over a month. Like you're confiding, like, again. I think there's a very big difference between what you're going through. And that doesn't excuse your behavior towards me or our home, or our marriage. Especially our home. That's a whole different conversation. But I go is it who I think it is? She goes, we're just hanging out Logan, which again made me feel like some you say your parents. And, again, made me feel like the dad and again is like another lie. Like, I know what hanging out me. Do you know what I mean? And it's just like, this wasn't the first time like, I could just send the blinds went up. I like I knew and like, because you're married? Our home, I go in our bed? Doesn't someone who has an answer for everything doesn't say a word. Just like she doesn't even look the same. She looks like a completely different person. Like I don't know how to explain it. Like, this is not the person I knew. Not just your actions, but like you look completely different than like… and he was just like, this is December 19. Six days before Christmas. I just, like gave her like the most, how could you look and I just walked away. She follows me out the door And lie, lie, lie. Like, I believe you after I caught you? After all this stuff? Like, you pick up the phone, you pretend you're tired. Like you know what I mean? Like, wide awake. This is the last thing that I ever said to her. So, this is December 19 the last thing that I ever said to her. Right now, the only communication she has with me is through my sister, And through my lawyer. I said I've taken care of you for the past 10 years. I've buried your pets. I've held your hand through every little obstacle in your life. I have pulled you out of the ocean twice. And I said you don't have a leg to stand on. That’s the last thing I ever said to her and I walked away

 

Marissa: How did that feel?

 

Logan: Surreal. It's it felt like two things. The first thing was like I felt like an idiot. I felt like not just because of that but like for like I just put so much into it. It was just so disrespectful and if you take me out of the equation, like take me like my feelings out of the equation. In our home? ln our bed? Like when I went to get my stuff, Marissa, like I kept my head down. I got my stuff out of there. But when I saw the bed and how close it was to my stuff and like you know, I kind of have like my logos, and drums, and my jerseys, and like there it was just like I don't know this person. And you are not thinking about the ramifications of this. You are not thinking how this affects my relationship your family. You are not thinking about how this affects the place you work at. You obviously could give a crap about the band because that fell apart like immediately. It was just like at what cost, you know? Like this is something she has repressed This is something she needed to find this assumption needed to do. Okay, there was a way we could have done this the proper way paperwork, honesty, communication, not in my bed. To answer your question. Another way I felt was like all this like pain that I was feeling and like heartbreak. It just went away. It was like a load off my shoulders. I was like, I'm an idiot like I'm a fool. That's the worst thing that you can do to someone in a in a relationship in a marriage regardless And I asked you this Marissa, like, I don't think her situation excuses her behavior. Especially in the timeframe, the dishonesty, the lie after lie after lie, and especially the where. You know, this person would absolutely not take a bullet for me like, no question. But this person, like, could give a crap about me. And that is that is kind of the end of, there's a little bit of fall out. But that is kind of the end of the story for me. Again, I just don't feel that that excuses putting me in this position. I've lost my home, I've essentially lost a big part of my family, you know, you hate to say it, but like, things are not going to be the same. And it was just like, I can't understand what she was going through. But I don't think I deserved to be treated the way I was or lied to. Especially it was just like, new job, new person, new person in my home. I haven't been more disrespected ever in my life. And the fact that it's in my home, which I love, and built, and so many things have happened there. I just don't think one thing excuses the other.

 

Marissa: No, I totally agree and this is a really, really, really bad analogy. It's similar to when Kevin Spacey came out of the closet because he was accused of assaulting Anthony Rapp, who I've mentioned in previous podcast episodes is like one of my favorite Broadway actors. But when he came out and said, Oh, well, you know, surprise, I'm gay. I did that because I'm gay. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. You don't do horrible things and treat people with disrespect and do bad things to people Because you identify with the LGBTQ community. Not only does that do a horrible thing, for the LGBTQ community, you are doing a grave disservice to the people who have been fighting for basic human rights and decency and respect. And you are literally shitting on those efforts. But also, that's a scapegoat, and that's gaslighting. And that's horrible. So, back to what you were saying. No. her sexuality or sexual identity should not affect the way she treats her husband, or you or anyone. Those two things are mutually exclusive.

 

Logan: I mean, I lived it. I feel that way. And again, like it's funny, Marissa because that metaphor you've used. So many people have used that same exact metaphor like that. I've spoken to the Kevin Spacey example. That particular one, it's crazy that you said that. Like I've heard that from so many people. And that's, that's how I feel. Again, I've said this a million times, there's a way to do this, like, you want it out, like you wanted to drop me like a bad habit. There's someone new, you know, Logan's out new person and like I lived it to the fact where it was in my apartment. You know, I don't know what's going on. But it has completely uprooted everything I have built for the past 10 years. And that's fine. You know, I want to talk about the healing a little bit. It was like I was falling, you know, and every single person I know, including her family are just like here for me. Usually with these things. You get sides. And you get he said she said, Well, everyone's like, hey, like, your good guy. You're good man. And like, to me, it's just like, like, that's great. But like you get sick of hearing it, because you're just like, that's why I was a doormat, because, you know, people mistake kindness for weakness. Like, it literally happened to me. You know, this is after I went to battle for her so many times or stepped up or gave her the princess treatment. I was less than dirt. You know, I didn't matter. I think maybe it was easier for her to do it that way. But just because suddenly, you know, that happens to people. I wish I hadn't spent 10 years of my life on something that would end like this. She took someone into our home. That's how it ended. And to me that's like, the ultimate not even slap in the face. That's an understatement. It's just disrespectful. And you don't realize the ripple effect. Like my family, they have done everything to take care of her. Like I said, like we bought that bed, we built that bed. It's weird. Like, everyone kind of checks in you kind of get that hindsight’s 20-20. They're all kind of like, yeah, we're good. Like, we're good on her. You know, my uncle called me on Christmas. He's like, yeah, like you shouldn't try to go back. You know what I mean? Like, her family with me is all like, we want to keep you and like come over anytime. And then they gave me like the best Christmas presents. Like I finally got them in like March because I hadn't seen them. And her dad had passed something down to me and her little brother had given me like this momentum that I keep on me all the time. And every single card said your family no matter what your family. And it's just amazing. It's overwhelming. It's confusing. You've experienced love in so many different ways. Like when I moved out, I had six guys with me and they just man they had my they knew that was a hard day for me. Especially when we're in the bedroom and It's like we're mushy now. Like everyone's in there telling me their problems and like we all fall in love you, bro. Love you. And it's just like, it's so sappy and mushy. I'm so appreciative of the people who are real, you know, the people who are honest, like the people I really do trust. Because like I say, hindsight is 20-20. You look back. The things that her family has said about her. Like, I've heard the I've heard the words coward. I've heard the words immature. I've heard combinations of words that I cannot say on your show, from, you know, like mutual friends that that have taken it very personally. Not only because what she did to me to our home, but she's flat out abandoned them as well. You know, it was a new job, new period, it was just like all for this one person, which again, is very strange to me. I never got anything from her in terms of an apology. The night after, so it would be the morning after I caught her. I got a text about talking about it and she knew I was mad, wasn't an apology. It was, “I know you're mad, but let's talk about  it at this time, this place with my dad.” I didn't answer. And then I got an email,  two months almost to the day after catching her. And then I got an email saying, “I know things got crazy. And I know you're probably angry, and you sit on top, and I understand but…” Like, things got crazy? Like, you're not even owning anything.

 

Marissa: Do you think That's a way for her to manipulate the situation. I'm not trying to lead you, I’m just asking.

 

Logan: Oh, I 100% do, because in interactions that I've had with her through my lawyer, and through my sister, there has been so many like little things. I'm like, Alright, well, this is this. And she owes me this. And she's kind of like, No, I don’t. It's like, because I caught her lying. Everything's a lie. So, it's 100% like that they given the emails very strategic. And like she didn't even have words; you know what I mean. And now she's got words, but nothing she has said to me has had any merit because of the amount of lie after lie after lie. And again, it's all strategy at this point. So again, like, just be careful about who you choose to trust. Be careful about who you choose to be in love with or give yourself to, because everyone has said this to me. Even my best of friends and their families and be like, Hey, man, the give and take this is never going to work because a give and take was way off. You gave and she took. And you look back and you see it. And that's why I think it was so easy to disrespect me and disrespect our home to anyone listening right now like is a huge takeaway, believe it or not, if you are in a relationship where you give, and you think it's like your job just to give, look around and see what you're getting back, see if, if you do something little have a little accomplishment, and that person is supporting you. I don't know, like I say hindsight is 20-20 it's just given and take, it's such a huge part of  a relationship.

 

Marissa: Thank you for sharing that. And you're right, it is really important to evaluate the equality in the relationship. If you're in a relationship where you don't feel that you can trust them, or that you're being respected or that the communication is off and you feel afraid to bring things up to them. That might not be a healthy relationship. And it's hard in the moment. It's a yellow flag or a red flag depending on the degree of the situation. But it's really important to really take a look at that and not ignore it and justify it. And it's so much easier said than done. Problems like that don't generally get better, they usually get worse because narcissists will push boundaries to see what they can get away with. And you can kind of see that in the story, Logan where your Is it an ex-wife now? Or are you still technically married?

 

Logan: As of the release date of this recording, I would say not married.

 

Marissa: Okay, so you can kind of see that progression with you with your ex-wife. First, it was probably texting a little bit and pulling back when she started working at that place and met this other person. And then it was texting all night. And then it was inviting the person into your home kicking you out of the home. And it's really all about boundary pushing and seeing what she can get away with and what she can't get away with. And ultimately it led to her winning and getting what she wanted. And you feeling the way that you're feeling. Does that make sense?

 

Logan: It makes perfect sense. It's like, like getting what you want it. I understand like people fall out of love like I understand like relationships are hard. Man I would have appreciated some honesty. Man I would have appreciated some communication. And it feels like I was a passenger all this like oh, like I get this all the time. Hey man, like you're nice guy. You didn't do anything. You didn't do anything. And it's like I'm the passenger and all this. I went down swinging. I tried to fight. I did some stupid grand gestures, I would have shown up with a good talker, like while she was cheating. Like, I'm an idiot. It's like the punishment doesn't fit the crime because like I didn't really do anything, but like I lost my town. I lost my home, my bed, essentially a big chunk of my family. And then that's not, you know, if you are someone on the other side of this man or you're going through something, you know, I think communication is key honesty is key, I think everything would have been way different had she come to me from the beginning and says, Hey, I'm confused, I got a new job. There's someone there. I want you to hear from me. You know what I mean? Like it said it like the whole catching in the text thing. It was like, she's already gone. Like, apparently. I'm not going to say she was a selfless person by any means. But it was like no one, no one mattered. And I'll give you I'll give you this. I did speak to a mutual friend who he spoke to her on the phone. The day after I caught her. And what these are her words, and I never heard these from her. I was probably not supposed to hear these words. She said, “I love Logan. Logan's my best friend. But I'm glad I did it. I just did everything the wrong way.” It doesn't matter. My home. The people You and I both know have been there, Marissa, like, she gets to keep all of it, you know, and use it however, with ever, whoever she sees fit. And to me, that's just like, its ultimate disrespect. But that's the end game.

 

Marissa: I'm really sorry that you're going through all this, it just seems like everything she did was calculated to maintain control of the situation. You know, she knows she did it wrong. She admitted that to people, and it's not okay. And I'm sorry that you got left on the sideline feeling like dirt, feeling like nothing. And you're not stupid or ridiculous for doing any of those grand gestures. That's 100% in your character. And for a person who maintained control of situation the whole time and gave you really no sort of leeway, or no insight into what was going on. Of course, it would leave you feeling like scrambling and trying to put things together. You're a fixer you are and that's, 100% you. And you can't beat yourself up for something like that. Because it's, it wasn't the wrong thing to do. The wrong thing to do was maintain control of a two-sided situation without giving the partner or her best friend, any sort of insight or a hand.

 

Logan: You had said to me like, Hey, you never gave any sort of consent to have somebody in your home. Again, it's like things you need to hear from the outside. I was like, Yeah, like, that's super not okay. It's crazy. I could go on and on. But the big takeaway here is like, it's not fair to me moving forward. Everyone's been great. And like, I've been reconnecting with people and my relationships with God gotten stronger and that's just super positive. But it's not fair to me, because in any sort of relationship moving forward, I'm going to have major like, I'm not going to try to take my baggage with me. I don't think anyone should. But it's, it's easier said than do. And I'm a big, big actions speak louder than words, especially after what I've been through. I'm a big action speak louder than words kind of person. But it's not fair to me. Because into any relationship, I'm moving forward, I'm going to have major trust issues. Because we were good, until the second we weren't, and there was somebody else. In my mind, anyway, I thought that was the hurdle on our marriage. She made her bed.

 

Marissa: So, I have kind of a segue question. It's sort of related. But I do want to know, would we consider cheating abuse? Is cheating abuse? Is cheating emotional abuse?

 

Logan: Great question. Like I said, at the beginning, anything I'm going through like the deception, the lying, the cheating, the distress. In my mind, like I know, you say not to compare, but like, the things that people go through with physical abuse, like, you know, people have been like locked in closets or getting physically abused or hurt or sexually harassed, or that stuff like that is way worse Like that is terrible. That is abuse. I do think just from the way I feel, I do think like even just the texting, and my buddy called it like, you know, even early on with the texting was going on and then I had mentioned it to someone I'm very close with because I did need to heal. And he said, Look, she's already gone man, like if the texting has already happened. And sure enough, he was right. I mean, led all the way to our three and a half weeks later in our apartment, like I never thought that would be the case. But when the texting happened, I felt not taken for granted. I just felt like dirt. You know, even just with the texting, I felt like I was worthless. I felt like, like I was competing with someone and I know my worth and I never have confidence issues because I put a lot of heart and soul to everything I do. And I'm well respected and I have a reputation and then in the music scene, a very positive one which again, is another ripple effect in this. But I felt very just kind of like even then just like used. So… and then when the ultimate cheating app and you feel man, I did not matter at all like there's someone in my apartment like I am…

 

Marissa: So, the actual definition of abuse is manipulation to have power and control over a person. Manipulation or coercion in order to maintain power and control over a person.

 

Logan: That made it way easier. Say yeah, 100%. I mean, like it was Lie, lie it was push everyone away to bring someone else in. It wasn't just to me it was the family. It was to the band. My band may either say, hey, she hung everyone out to dry. No, I understand your priorities. You're going through something like that, man, this person better than worth it. But I would say 100%. Emotionally, yeah. emotionally abusive. Yeah, that messed me up for a long while. Luckily, it was like I was falling off a cliff. And I was like, screaming and like, everybody caught me. And that's including you, Marissa

 

Marissa: Well, we're all happy to do it. And honestly, I think it's amazing that you had such a strong and tight support network. You know, ranging from people you haven't talked in a long time or meeting who we really didn't know each other very well, to people you're super close with, like your best friends and her family. That is such a testament to your character. And I'm not a religious person I hate like the #blessed thing. I think that that's so obnoxious. But I think that you're so blessed to have such a strong, amazing community around you. And we're all grateful to be here for you, whenever you need it. So, tell me a little bit about what has helped you heal from all of this, because obviously, it's been really heavy, and it's very, very recent, but you seem to be handling it well, and moving on, at least in your own way. Like you're not holding on it anymore. And that's really important and really, really amazing. So, what are some tips and tricks that you've tried that have worked for you?

 

Logan: That's an amazing question. You know, we talked about it earlier, in terms of healing. But obviously, like my friends and family, and apparently her family, being so supportive. And everyone just kind of saying, they're really using these words, you're a good guy, which again, I'm not in love with, but also saying you handle this with integrity, which I'm trying to do, again. Like just because someone did everything the wrong way, doesn't mean that I have to. And I'm not going to go on social media and post a bunch of things. You know, at the same time, if you want to talk to me, I'm an open book. I'll be respectful of certain things in this story. You know, the, one of the ministers I spoke with, I said, like, the hardest thing for me was wrapping my head around, like how it could just happen like a light. Like, how did this just happen? Like, new job, new person in my home? Like, how did this happen? My head is still spinning. And my minister said, “It's like, you have emotional whiplash.” I thought that was a great, great analogy. And then I have the best friends in the world, my buddy, who's a cop, I was talking to him. And he sees crazy stuff every day, man. And he said something to me, that hopefully people can take away from here. But he says something to me, he goes, “Be happy, you can't understand it, because that means you're not capable of it.” And I thought that was brilliant. Because I still can't understand it. Like I had said, if roles were reversed. You know, say I had fallen for some dude and a new job, or whatever it is. I feel like there could be communication. And I'm not saying like, that would have been the case. I don't know. I'm not in anyone else's shoes. But I feel like there would have been a lot more honesty. I feel like there would have been a lot more communication. But everyone's been there from even moving out of the apartment. Even letting me crash somewhere. Open Arms. I've received so much love and encouragement, which I’m… you know, everyone's going to be there. Like when you fall, but when you see it, it's overwhelming. My family, my sister, everyone's just been amazing. I have amazing friends who are some of who are first responders who are going through some crazy stuff right now, who are going through way crazier stuff and then I'm going through, it's key. I'm not used to the encouragement. I'm not used to all the love and the mushy stuff. But you see how much your love loved and appreciated. And I think integrity and not reputation, but integrity and showing the kind of person you are really does speak volumes. And people show that they appreciate you and that they love you. And like I said everyone was just kind of like, yeah, we're good on her. You could do better. You know what I mean? Like everyone was just kind of, they love me and they want to see the best for me. Just surround yourself with people in life who got your back who don't stab you in the back. But people who got your back and you’ll know who those people are.

 

Marissa: Yeah, they say that in your darkest times or when, when the people who are truly on your side show up.

 

Logan: Absolutely. And I lived it.

 

Marissa: Well, thank you so, so much for joining us today. And thank you for sharing your truth and being raw and honest. And you know, I hope everything just keeps growing for you and your creative endeavors. And everything because you really are a good guy. And you have a big heart.

 

Logan: Marissa, more importantly, thank you for what you do for people who've been through some crazy, crazy stuff I appreciate you all you have done for me, not just talking with me, but constantly checking up on me and putting up with my rambling. So I super appreciate you keep up all the good work that you do and I'm just going to say now there's going to be a bunch more Amazon best-selling books on the way.

 

If you enjoyed this podcast, you have to check out www.MarissaFayeCohen.com/Private-Coaching. Marissa would love to develop a made-for-you healing plan to heal from emotional abuse. She does all the work, and you just show up. Stop feeling stuck, alone, and hurt, and live a free, confident, and peaceful life.  Don’t forget to subscribe to the Healing From Emotional Abuse podcast, and follow us on Facebook at www.facebook.com/marissafcohen, and instagram @Marissa.Faye.Cohen. We’d love to see you there!

 

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