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Johnny Depp vs. Amber Heard

 

The Johnny Depp vs. Amber Heard duel lawsuit drama has been the talk of the town lately. And rightfully so. First of all, these cases are never black and white. Everything is a he said/she said situation. And a lot of the evidence is going to be controversial because marriages and relationships are emotional. Over the course of a relationship, we do what we have to, to protect our partners. That’s not unreasonable. However, when those same situations, texts, emails, etc. are called into question, they are easy to manipulate to make it look bad for one or both parties.

Quick example, when I was working for the army, I had a coworker who was a colleague and friend. He ended up being crazy and stalking me. But over the course of our friendship, he would send me texts that were extremely inappropriate and I would laugh it off, or water-down my responses because I liked the friendship. In the moment, I was trying to avoid confrontation and not come off crazy or trigger-happy. But when I was trying to prove my case to the commander, later, my responses to his inappropriate passes were looked as encouraging the behavior. These situations are never clear, and that’s the main problem with these hearings and lawsuits. We’re digging up history out of context.

 

However, I will say, from all the videos and research I’ve done, I am team Johnny Depp. Johnny Depp grew up in an abusive household, where his mother was emotionally and verbally abusive. This is relevant because it normalizes abusive behavior in future relationships. It’s natural to seek out partners who emulate or mirror the behavior you were exposed to as a child.

 

When Amber Heard’s Op-Ed originally came out, Depp was taken off of 3 major projects, totaling a loss of $55million, with no prior reports or arrests. Now, I am in support of that. We should normalize companies and projects letting people go for being abusive to their partners. Especially people who have platforms. However, Heard, who had previous arrests due to domestic violence from previous relationships has not lost any work. In 2009, Amber Heard was arrested by the Port of Seattle Police after she and her ex-girlfriend Tasya got into an argument at the Seattle-Tacoma International airport.

Heard was taken into custody and booked for misdemeanor domestic violence after she allegedly grabbed and struck Tasya.

The actress' case was assigned to King County District Court in Seattle, a day after the incident. However, prosecutor declined to press charges against Heard.

Meanwhile, Depp’s exes, Winona Ryder and Vanessa Paradis both provided statements in Depp's defense.

Ryder wrote: "The idea that he is an incredibly violent person is the farthest thing from the Johnny I knew and loved. I cannot wrap my head around these accusations."

Meanwhile, Paradis wrote that Heard's accusations are "nothing like the true Johnny I have known, and from my personal experience of many years, I can say he was never violent or abusive to me."

It was clear in her lawsuit against Depp that the videos and audio she provided were biased. There was one in particular that I saw that really upset me. The day after Depp’s mother died, Heard began recording. She walked into the kitchen, put the phone down secretly in the corner of the room, and provoked an argument with him. He was probably drunk, and was looking for something franticly in the cabinets. He started slamming the cabinets out of frustration, having nothing to do with her. She then provoked him. She picked a fight and started pointing out on camera all the things he was doing, and instigated with him. He was leaving her alone until he saw the phone, at which point he took it and dropped it in the garbage can. She then proceeded to yell at him, start an argument and vein victimhood, even though he wasn’t responding to her or even raising his voice.

In January, phone recordings were released. In these recordings, Heard admitted to "hitting" Depp.

Heard is heard saying: "I'm sorry that I didn't ... hit you across the face in a proper slap, but I was hitting you, it was not punching you. Babe, you're not punched.

"I don't know what the motion of my actual hand was, but you're fine, I did not hurt you, I did not punch you, I was hitting you."

Meanwhile, Depp said in the recording: "I left last night. Honestly, I swear to you because I just couldn't take the idea of more physicality, more physical abuse on each other.

"Because had we continued it, it would have gotten f---ing bad. And baby, I told you this once. I'm scared to death we are a f---ing crime scene right now," Depp continued.

Heard replied: "I can't promise you I won't get physical again. God, I f---ing sometimes get so mad I lose it."

Heard planted fake evidence, including faking having to cover up injuries she said were sustained by Depp with makeup. The makeup company came out and said that pallet hadn’t been sold for two years after she claimed to have used it. She also used nail polish on the blade of a knife, and claimed that it was her blood and Depp tried to kill her.

 

In August 2014, Depp claimed Heard withheld recovery medication during his time in recovery and branded it "one of the cruelest things" she had ever done.

These manipulation tactics are very commonly used by female narcissists and abusers to make it look like they are the victim. Its all  about control

 

When she was interviewed by a mental health expert, who specializes in PTSD, she was interviewed regarding the triggers and symptoms. Of the 20 symptoms listed, Heard claimed to have 19 of them. In the most severe and debilitating PTSD diagnoses, survivors will only exhibit about 3 or 4 of these symptoms. She was caught exaggerating her symptoms. Then, the psychologist, using the same metrics, was able to diagnose Heard with both Borderline Personality Disorder and Histrionic Personality Disorder. borderline personality disorder causes 'instability' in relationships and emotions, with a driving factor being Heard's 'underlying terror of abandonment.'

"When somebody is afraid of being abandoned by their partner or by anybody else in their environment, and they have this disorder, they'll make desperate attempts to prevent that from happening," Curry told the court.

The expert added that borderline personality disorder was 'a predictive factor for women who implement violence against their partner.'

On the stand Wednesday, Depp said that Heard was the real abuser in their relationship and the change in their relationship started with her making "little digs" and "demeaning name-calling." 

Depp said he felt like he was "suddenly wrong" about everything, and suffered an "endless parade of insults." 

The actor added that sometimes these arguments would escalate to violence, with Heard — who he said "has a need for violence" — shoving him or throwing a glass of wine in his face. When these arguments would start, Depp said he would try to extricate himself from the situation, sometimes locking himself in the bathroom just to get away from Heard. 

Depp also said his relationship with Heard — as well as what he described as her frequent verbal attacks — often contributed to his use of alcohol and drugs. 

"I was more inspired by Miss Heard to reach out for a numbing agent because of the constant clashes," he said. "I had to have something to distance me and distance my heart from those verbal attacks." 

People who are not experts in this field have been coming out and reporting this as “mutual abuse, including Heard and Depp’s marriage therapist. Ruth Glenn, President and CEO of the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence says, “Mental issues may be contributing as a risk factor, but when you’re talking about abuse, then you talk to experts in that abuse. The absence of domestic violence experts at this trial denies the public an opportunity to better understand these important disctinction.”   I have a concern about the term mutual abuse people keep using to describe this relationship. My problem is, the definition of an abusive relationship is the imbalance of power and control between the two partners. For there to be “mutual abuse” there would be no imbalance. It is clear to me, as a person who has not had any in-person exposure to either of these people, that there is a distinct imbalance of power. All of the questionable altercations that Heard has alleged of Depp seemed to have been during a time while he was under the influence, and nobody can corroborate her story. Now, I’m not saying that this never happens. A lot of abuse happens while the abuser is under the influence. However, in this case, from the video and audio evidence, it seems to me that she would wait until he was drunk or high and provoke an argument, or instigate an altercation, whether it ended in one or not.

 

It is also my opinion that false reports of domestic violence and sexual assault, or really anything, are criminal. People who make false reports, about 2-8% of reports are false in any crime, including DV/SA, should be tried for obstruction of justice. All Amber Heard and other false reporters are doing is making reporting actual abuse more difficult for people who are actually suffering. It gives society reason to doubt the validity of another situation of abuse. And people will hang on to it and use it as a metric for other false reports. It does a huge disservice to survivors, and the community.

 

There’s a post going around on social media that I’d really like to read. It made a lot of excellent, summary points.

 

So throughout the past week during the Depp/Heard trial we have learned:

  • Women can verbally assault men in front of everyone and it's perfectly fine.
  • A woman can relieve herself on a man's pillow and laugh with her friends about it and that's fine
  • A woman can cut off a man's finger tip in a heated argument and no one bats an eye
  • A woman can demand money in a civil setting and claim its for donation purposes and keep it and all is right with the world.
  • A woman can gas light a man into believing horrible things about himself that are not true
  • A woman can smirk and laugh during court proceedings while a man is forced to relive horrible experiences
  • A woman can talk poorly about a man's kids
  • A woman can put make up and finger nail polish on her and the law will pass it off as bruises and blood
  • A man can be trauma bonded into submission
  • A man can love hard and be fearful of failure and force himself to stay
  • A man can battle addictions but like everyone else, cannot do it alone.
  • A man can lose his career over allegations but a woman with the same keeps her job.
  • A man is not allowed to defend himself in court without harassment
  • A man is not allowed to have a fair trial because the judge backs the woman
  • A man is judged because he worries how the accusations will affect his children, family, etc.
  • A MAN CAN BE A VICTIM OF ABUSE AND DOMESTIC VIOLENCE.

I stand with Johnny Depp.

 

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