Healing From Emotional Abuse

Healing From Emotional Abuse: Introducing Sami Litchert: Boundaries, Toxic Relationships & Survivor Stories

Meet the new co-host transforming your healing journey. Sami Litchert joins us to explore the relationships that matter—toxic relationship recovery, healthy relationship building, and the power of survivors sharing their stories.
If you're breaking free from emotional abuse, learning to set boundaries, or supporting someone on their healing path, this episode is a turning point. Together, we're creating a safe space where survivors are celebrated and empowered.
Join us as we dive into what healthy relationships look like and why your story—and your boundaries—are worth protecting.
 
Episode Transcript: 
https://marissafayecohen.com/healing-from-emotional-abuse-introducing-sami-litchert-boundaries-toxic-relationships-survivor-stories/
 
  📍  📍  📍  📍  📍 Welcome to Healing From Emotional Abuse, the award-winning podcast that sheds light on the journey from victim to survivor. I'm your host Marissa f Cohen, and I'm thrilled to have you join us on this empowering and healing adventure, the Healing from Emotional Abuse podcast. Isn't just another conversation.
It's a sanctuary for those who have endured abuse and are determined to reclaim their lives. Through interviews with inspiring survivors, experts, and advocates, we aim to break the silence surrounding abuse and empower our listeners with the knowledge. Support and resources they need to break free from their past.
Our mission is to provide a safe space where survivors can share their stories, find solace in knowing they're not alone, and discover the strength within themselves to heal and thrive. Each episode is filled with powerful narratives, practical strategies, and compassionate guidance to help you overcome the lingering effects of abuse and build a brighter future.
It brings me immense joy to announce that the Healing from Emotional Abuse Podcast has been honored with the prestigious Purple Ribbon Award for outstanding domestic violence podcasts by domestic shelters.org, recognizing our commitment to raising awareness about abuse. And offering hope to survivors worldwide.
We have hit top 10% globally and top podcast in 25 countries. This accolade is a testament to the incredible guests who have shared their stories and the tremendous support from our devoted listeners. Thank you so much. Whether you're a survivor seeking healing, a friend or family member wanting to understand and support, or an advocate dedicated to creating a safer world, this podcast is for you.
Our conversations delve into topics such as emotional, physical, financial, and psychological abuse, recovery techniques, self-care strategies. Legal rights and much, much more. Join us as we embark on this transformative journey together. Subscribe to healing from emotional abuse on your favorite podcast platform.
And remember, your story matters, and you have the power to break your silence from the chains of abuse. I'm your host. Marissa f Cohen, and this is healing from emotional abuse. Let's reclaim our lives and empower one another.   📍  📍 Welcome back to the Healing for Emotional Abuse Podcast. I'm your host Marissa, and I first wanna start off by apologizing. This podcast has been going for about five years actually five and a half now, but I took about a two year hiatus. Because I got really into speaking and was traveling all the time, became really hard to manage, and so the podcast fell by the wayside.
So for everyone listening, I'm really sorry. I didn't mean to like completely desert you. I'm still here for you. I'm still an advocate and a survivor, and I'm still talking about relationships and abuse and sexual assault and trauma. Just on a different medium. But then I met through all this journey.
I met Sami.  And Sami is incredible. She's an advocate. She is like an outspoken supporter of survivors, and she has been really helpful to me along my speaking journey. Keeping me organized and just being like an incredible person. And we had a conversation a few weeks ago where we discussed her coming on to co-host the Healing from Emotional Abuse podcast, and I'm so excited to introduce you to our co-host of the Healing from Emotional Abuse Podcast.
Sami, welcome on Sami. Thank you so much for being here. Thank you for having me. I'm so excited. So tell us a little bit about yourself, like introduce, you know yourself to our listeners. Awesome. Yeah, so my name's Sami Licher, I started out with in higher education, worked through there. I don't really know where to go from that. I did my higher ed trips and then I took a step out and I worked in a leadership company for a few years, and that's where I actually met Marissa. That's where I then one thing led to another, and now I get to see her almost every week which is wonderful.
And now we're here helping out. Thank you so much, Sami. It's so nice to be able to do this with you and get to know you more. I know you pretty well I think, being able to like, introduce you to our listeners and so I would love to talk to you about relationships because the theme of this podcast is relationships. We talk about toxic and abusive relationships. I wanna focus on healthy relationships as well, and the trauma of like sexual violence and things like that. So first and foremost, you had a really exciting summer, right? It's August right now. You've had a very exciting summer.
Do you wanna maybe share your exciting summer news? I did have a great summer. So for everyone who's listening this past 4th of July Anton, who is my partner, has asked me to marry him, and I said, yes, of course. Yes. Really exciting. And I wanna say just it's just wonderful, to be honest.
It was an amazing opportunity to be able to actually have my own proposal 'cause I've always been there for other people's. And then for him to get down on one knee and then to make it just so heartfelt. We were camping. There was nobody around. And for anyone who knows me, I'm always surrounded by people whether I want to or not.
It was just the two of us. It was amazing. That's awesome. And Anton, I've met him a couple of times and he's wonderful and I'm so happy for you guys. So you can speak from a healthy relationship perspective because you have incredible communication. You guys respect each other so much and you're so supportive of each other and it's such a beautiful, thing to be able to see, like a situation, to be able to see from a third party outsider. Especially as a relationship person where my whole world revolves around talking about and experiencing and, hearing all these horrible relationship stories, it's so nice to be able to like truly see a really healthy and awesome relationship.
So give us a little bit of background about how y'all met and the last few years of your relationship. That I love talking about it is it's the fun fact that I almost gave up on dating, so I didn't have the best history of dating, but I wanna keep the positive going. Anton and I actually met on Facebook dating right when I was about to give up.
And the reason why I went to Facebook dating is I just felt like trying to date in, like in real life, unfortunately, just was not working out. I was too busy. I worked three jobs at the time. But the beautiful story is when Anton and I met, we we went out, we did like cute little coffee date. I have never met a more gentleman like person, and it's just like who he is.
He portrayed himself amazingly. Something that I, I have a lot of anxiety and whatnot, it took forever to get over when I went to go meet Anton. So the fact that I was extremely nervous, I know that I was tongue twisted, but the whole time he was just phenomenal.
And then it just grew from there. We have a lot of the ups and downs, but throughout all of our ups and downs over the past two years, which is my longest relationship and hopefully my forever relationship now it was just, it was phenomenal. I would say there's way more ups than downs and. The best thing that I noticed is every time that we had a little hiccup or a little bit of a down, our communication was phenomenal.
It didn't matter who was upset, what the situation was it could be silly, it could be serious. And everything that always comes down to is our communication piece. And even up to the day when I said yes, I absolutely do wanna marry you. It was funny because we had a really bad night right before that.
Unpacking was horrible. Our camp hosts were horrible, but Anton and I made it fun. The two of us didn't talk to each other the whole night when we unpacked, but it was out of love. We knew that everything was, you know what, this is a crappy situation, but it's still gonna be a fun time to to be together.
I didn't know he was gonna ask me to marry him, which makes it even better. I didn't expect this for another year and a half at least. So just yeah, everything in the past two years, there's been so many things. That's amazing. And I think it's really funny that the whole night beforehand you didn't talk.
He was probably so nervous to propose to you that because you guys didn't talk to each other. But I think that's amazing. You said something that sparked a, an interest for me. So you met on Facebook dating. I've only heard of a handful of people using Facebook dating. But from what I, from the people that.
I know that did, it was really successful for them. Have you tried other dating sites like that were bad or, had bad experiences with that? Do you wanna tell us a little bit about that? Oh, of course. I did Tinder. I stayed off it for the longest time and then I just said, you know what, heck with this and let's just go find what the guys are.
Don't do that ever. It's not the best advice. But it was, I'll say, nice to see that I found a good one out of all the bad patches. Another one I did was Bumble. I was only on that one for a little dating sites scared me a bit. I like the flirting part aspect of it, but that idea of talking to someone, I don't know, like what their face looks like.
For real, everyone can make something up. I always kept that in the back of my mind. Especially with dating online. I didn't really go through too many apps, but yeah it was definitely an experience and I know that's where majority of life takes us today is online dating, but I know that I was very careful when I did it too.
That was the other aspect. That makes sense. I think the statistic is close to 80% of people find their partner on some website or app like utilizing online dating now. Because I think similar to what you said, life is busy, right? You had three jobs, you had stuff to do outside of that.
You had pets, you had a life, and I think many people, especially. Right now can relate to that. Having to work more than one job or working crazy hours. And the idea of, and especially post COVID, the idea of going out has really. Been impacted and likes decreased. I was having a conversation yesterday with my family about how, you know now post COVID, I, it's so hard for me to peel myself off the couch at the end of the day and commit to going out.
I had to have a friend call me a couple days ago to invite us to go see a play tonight. Otherwise you wouldn't. I wouldn't leave. On a Saturday night, I'd just sit in my living room with Larry and we'd watch TV with the dogs until we fell asleep. I think that's so normal. So yeah the prospect of online dating is so much easier because you could do it from your couch, you could do it from your house.
There's no commitment, right? There's no consequence if you go meet someone who's crazy and like tries to murder you. I have an interesting story about that. If it's okay if I share. Absolutely. So a friend, a childhood friend of mine, I know I've known this kid probably since he was like four years old.
He met his wife through online dating. She is in America through a an au pair program. She's Brazilian. She came here for an au pair program and her friends were all on like those apps and they were just trying to meet people and make friends and, date around. Stuff like that. And so she matched with my friend, and when she came out to meet him the first time, she brought four of her girlfriends also all from Brazil, also all from this au pair program.
And at first they sat at the table with her to make sure that my friend wasn't crazy or like a lunatic. And then they move to another table, the four of them, and then let these two have their date. After the date he called me and he told me about it. And I was like, that's brilliant because if you were a crazy person, she's from Brazil, she has no family here.
And if you like, were crazy and a murderer, like a serial killer. All, she would have to, all you'd have to do, sorry, my mom just called me. All you would have to do is take her and bury her somewhere and no one would ever know where to find her or how to find her. Or even that she was missing, except obviously her host parents. In this day and age, like I think that layer of protection online dating and especially if you're meeting someone in person for the first time, having friends there, like I think all of that is so important. Absolutely. When I was in the dating process before meeting Anton one of my favorite thing was what?
She was one of my coworkers when I was still in higher ed, and that became one of my best friends. She's actually gonna be on my wedding as well. She was my texting girl. So I would text her and be like, Hey, I am going on a date. So something happens. Just say just call me and be like, Hey, there's an emergency happening.
You need to come back to campus. And we would do that. And it's funny because I utilized it, there was a couple dates that I went on and I was like, oh, this person's a little too much for me. And that was the best thing. So I would just text her the, it was the emoji.
Everyone knows this. The blue face emoji go. Yes, it was that emoji. So she got one of those. It was gimme a call as soon as you can. If there was three of 'em, she was showing up. I never sent three, so that was great, but I always sent that one emoji and that was our thing. Even to this day, we still talk about it.
But how many women, right? If you're listening to this, do you have a code word with your friends or like certain people that you share your location with when you're going on a date or when you're meeting someone new? That's a safety, like that's a safety blanket. I used to also have an SOS text.
It was pineapple. I know. I would text the word pineapple. And I'd get a call, Hey someone's sick and I need you to come home, or whatever. Yeah. Because it was a safety thing, she knew where I was and she knew how to get me out of it. So I think it's important, and I think a lot of women have that layer of protection, right?
It's even in movies and TV shows where. Do you want me to call you like my, the first movie that comes to mind is She's Outta Your League. Have you ever seen that? Yes. It's such a good movie. It's so good. But yeah, when she's on the date with Jay, whatever his name is, I don't remember, but when she's on the date, her assistant calls and she ignored it.
But that was like that layer of protection. I think it's crazy, but the dating world is so scary now. So you're out of it. And I'm out of it. But many of the listeners here are not out of it. So what we wanna focus on is what healthy relationships look like, red flags to look out for dating advice.
And we're gonna have a lot of guests come on and we have a lot of topics written down that like we really wanna cover to help with the dating advice and to help with identifying abusive unhealthy relationships. Previously on the podcast, 99% of the episodes were people sharing horror stories.
And I, as much as I think all that's very important, I think we need to talk about the positives as well. So not only do we know what to look out for on the bad side, but we know what to expect and build that standard on the good side. Absolutely. So a person like you who has also had terribly adverse experiences, which we can talk about if you want to.
What kind of advice do you have for our listeners if who are in the dating scene or looking to get into serious relationship? Yeah. Just don't just stop and don't go for the first person that's oh my goodness, let me get you flowers.
Let me take you here. Because that's it's the cliche part of that, like when it comes to. When it comes to like online dating and then protecting yourself, it's really weeding out the conversations, making sure you're, you are talking on the phone, like via texting, phone calls, FaceTimes, doing that before you meet up.
That was a big huge thing for me. I had plenty of people be like, Hey, do you wanna come over nine and just hang out? I'm like no thank you. And there's nothing wrong. And if that's that's what somebody is interested in, there's nothing wrong with that. It's just, it's more protecting yourself and who, where are you really going? I will say this in like the most respectful mindset. Like I've had a very down part in my life before too, and I was like, I just don't really care and I'll do whatever. Even in that mindset, I was like, okay. But I truly do care. So it's always making sure you keep yourself in check no matter where you are in your mental space, whether you're a very positive space or in a very negative space, maybe you just got broken up with, or maybe something just bad just happened and you're like, I'm gonna go on and I'm gonna scroll and I'm gonna swipe and just say yes to everybody.
Because people need to feel validated. They need that feeling sometimes, and even though it's a stranger validating you, because we know that, it's a potential dating situation. You get that validation right away. You get that exciting feeling. Now let's say, okay, I'm in this, I'm gonna go hang out with this person today.
You, you don't, there was no prep work for that, and I'm a huge believer in the prep work for online dating is extremely safety. And I'm not saying you have to go write a thesis before you go out on a date. What I'm saying is making sure as you brought up, as well, making sure someone knows your location, making sure they know where you're going on that date, and I would really highly recommend you meet each other there.
Don't let this random stranger come pick you up. That's just an anxiety inducing for you in the car as well. Now you're in this car where this person's literally has your life in your hands because they're your driver. Yeah, a hundred percent. Yeah, I think that's great advice on the first date.
Always meet there, right? That way you have a getaway vehicle if you need it, right? They don't know where you live. So that's a safety precaution. And then like you said, when somebody is driving you around, they're in control. They get to say where you're going and when. So even in Ubers right, or Lyfts or taxis, like that person is in control.
So just make sure you have in general safeguards in place. And it's so horrible to have to talk about life like that, like as women, the fact that we always need to be on guard. Because of our safety is such a horrendous societal norm. But how many people like growing up did your mom ever tell you always cover your drink?
Constantly, right?
Yes. Because it's a safety measure, right? It's something that our mothers learned while they were growing up and instilled in us. But did she ever say that to your brothers? Because women grow up different, right? We need to be on guard all the time. Men, not so much.
While it does happen to men, and I'm by no means saying that men don't get drugged and assaulted and that stuff doesn't happen, it absolutely happens to them, but. But it's not talked about as much and it doesn't happen as often. And so we grew up with a set of we're always needing to be on guard.
We always need to make sure we're safe. We need to have that layer or two or 12 of protections before we do anything. My mom has my location all the time. Does your mom have your location all the time? My mom does not have my brother's location all the time. Not because she doesn't love him as much because she's not as worried about him.
And yeah, so I think especially with dating, like having those layers of protection, having someone know where you are, having a code word, making sure that you're staying in touch with people, like all that stuff is really important and mostly specific to women. Yeah, so I think that level of safety that you were talking about, especially with online dating is super important.
Otherwise people go missing. I wanted to highlight something that you said as well. Sure. Going back to having do they have your location, your parents or your friend, that's something that I absolutely love and value. And on the other hand of that, something I see in this day all the time is the unhealthy location sharing as well.
So when people start dating they're only in this relationship for a week or two weeks, they're like, oh, share your location so I can see where you're at. If you're like five minutes away. I've seen that. I've never done it, thank goodness, but I've seen that and it gets so toxic and I don't wanna switch it to the toxic part, but that's something that's extremely important to remember because people are all like, we always have our phones.
We can pinpoint someone to be exactly where they are. Anton and I were about to get married in a few years and he still doesn't have my location and there's nothing against him and stuff. That's just not the couple that we are. But my mom and my sister and my brother, they will always have my location.
Now in my relationship, if Anton asked for it, I'd be like, oh yeah. Here
that's also where communication comes in and where we text each other every day after work, he'll be like, Hey babe, go into the gym. Or I'll be like, oh, cool, cool. Hey babe, I'm gonna be working a little bit late. That's where I think and I don't wanna spiral on location, but it's a lot that I see these days, especially in the college students that I'm around daily is, they're nonstop tracking each other. One of my RAs I, they, she showed me the a location thing. She had 30 people on her location do people not respect privacy anymore? I just wanna make sure that for the listeners yes, sharing a location's extremely important.
However, be very careful and choose wisely who it's shared with. I think that's really an interesting point because I agree, if you are in a new relationship and the person is pressuring you to share your location, that's a controlling behavior. Yes. And we don't wanna be controlled by our partner.
We don't want it to feel like we're being watched or spied on my husband, Larry always has my location because I'm always traveling, i'm only home three months a year. So sometimes he just genuinely does not know what. State I'm in. And so it's good for him to know, for my safety, but I gave that to him and I feel comfortable with that.
But if you're with a partner who is love bombing you, like you were saying, oh, here are flowers and gifts and I love you so much, and it's only been two weeks. I've never felt this way before. That's love bombing. That's setting up a bad standard. That's a standard for I love you so much.
I love you so much. I love you and respect you and now when I treat you badly, you're gonna go back to this and be able to justify my bad behavior. That's love bombing, so if they're asking you for your location after a week so that they can watch you and make sure they know where you are at all times and see who you're with, that could be very problematic,
that is a very toxic behavior. But only share your location with people that you feel safe and comfortable doing that with. You have your mom, your brother, and your sister, because it's a safety measure and you work about an hour away from where they live. So them knowing where you are and being able to say oh she's not usually over there, is everything okay?
It makes you feel secure. But if my mom has done that before, she has, so she'll check and I know that Life 360 specifically is very common. And like I think Apple with Apple Maps or something, or with Apple contacts or something, you can share your location. Yeah. And so I think, so Apple has it, and then the Life 360, that's what our family has because it's the Life 360 is the best.
Because you can do it between different phone types. And the cool thing with Life 360, you can also put a bubble on. So maybe I don't want my mom to know where I'm at for about three hours. You can put a little bubble on, just gives like the idea location that you're in.
But that's great and it's a great feature to have. So she can't track exactly where you are, but she knows the general vicinity. Yes. That's awesome. I've never used Life 360 but I've heard great things. I'm gonna reach out and see if they wanna sponsor this podcast. There you go. That would be wonderful.
That would be really cool. But yeah, so I think that's really good advice. Thank you, Sami. Of course. I'm trying to think what else can we talk about? I feel like over the course of the, the coming episodes, we're gonna get to know you way more. We're gonna get to talk to you and feel free to share anything that you feel comfortable sharing.
This is a very open, conversational podcast. That's why I enjoy doing this. It's basically just conversations with, people and friends and people in positions, and I'm. Generally a curious person and I really appreciate you being here.
Do you have any parting messages for your introduction to the podcast? Yeah, I just wanted to thank you, Marissa, for even allowing this for the listeners, I actually was talking to Marissa a few months ago and I said, Marissa, I love these podcasts that you do. What is going on? And then the one thing led after another.
And that's how I got into here and something that I wanna say is I'm extremely grateful for you. I know that's not what the podcast is about, to give all the gratitude to the host, but just even the fact that you allowed me to come on here to take the time to allow to do podcasts, allow me to co-host this with you.
It's just the stuff that you do, the message that you send is something that I value and I really incorporate into my life and a day-to-day thing. And you helped. Me stay in a healthy relationship. There's things that you don't know that you do as Marissa that just makes me so happy and so excited.
So the fact that I'm even able to do a podcast with you and help out, reach out to lives of others and just help one person is already such an honor. So thank you. That was really sweet. Thank you so much for saying that. I'm honored to have you here and I love your energy and everything that you give, and I'm really excited.
And then future episodes are gonna be a lot of fun with you. Stay tuned in listeners. We have way more to share. Like I said, a whole list of things that we're gonna talk about and look out for our weekly episodes. Sami, we should start an email address specifically for the podcast.
So if any listeners want relationship advice or have any questions for either of us and things that we can talk about, or wanna come on as a guest, you can send an email. We'll put that in the description of this episode and thank you guys for tuning in, everyone, and we will talk to you next week. 

Healing From Emotional Abuse: Survivor vs. The System: When Justice Fails Sexual Assault Victims

Campus Sexual Assault Survivor Speaks Out: How the Legal System Failed Her The Truth About College Sexual Assault Cases: A Survivor’s Fight for Justice Survivor vs. The System: When the Legal Process Fails Sexual Assault Victims Sexual Assault on Campus: One Survivor’s Legal Battle and Road to Healing Why the Justice System Fails Sexual Assault Survivors—A College Student’s Story

Healing From Emotional Abuse: Rebuilding Your Life After Narcissistic Abuse: with Petia Kolbova

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Healing From Emotional Abuse: How to Deal with a Narcissist: with Dr. Praveena

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Healing From Emotional Abuse: Healthy Relationship Goals: with Garry G-Willikerz and Brittany Lee

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Previous episode Featuring Garry -- https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/healing-from-emotional-abuse-platonic-friendships-with/id1493839857?i=1000570515414
 
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Healing From Emotional Abuse: Humor as a Coping Mechanism: with Aurora Singh Comedian

In this episode, Marissa speaks with Aurora Singh Comedian about her trauma, and how using comedy as a coping mechanism has helped her process her experiences and heal.
 
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Healing From Emotional Abuse: Review Podcast: Priest Emotional Abuse: with Mara Shultz

Reference Episode: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/healing-from-emotional-abuse-priest-accused-of-abuse/id1493839857?i=1000602078411
 
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Healing From Emotional Abuse: Poems About Life: with Author Theresa E. Radley

T's Telling the Truth -- Available on Amazon
https://a.co/d/3fiMuU4
 
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Healing From Emotional Abuse: Healing Energy: with Mara Shultz

Using energy work to heal has become an incredible tool for survivors! Tune in with Marissa to discuss energy work and healing energy tools with Energy Healer Mara Shultz!
 
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Healing From Emotional Abuse: How To Leave A Narcissist: with Mindy WIlson

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